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When people use this expression they could be using it to describe actually what they mean, which is adding fuel or fodder to a real fire literally. Another meaning that it can have is when it is referring to making an argument worse. This can also be adding fuel to a fire. It is so easy sometimes to have a small disagreement with someone else and it escalates out of control and you end up wondering how in the world it got so far off track.
Everyone says that hind sight is 20/20 and there never was a truer statement than that. We can always look back on a situation and usually see where we messed something up that caused an outcome to be what we did not expect or plan to happen the way it ultimately did. If we were all psychic, this would never be a problem, but unfortunately we are not. It might not be possible to read the future and prevent unnecessary arguments with others, but if we can keep our cool and control the situation instead of allowing it to control our responses, we could probably avoid many unpleasant situations with our spouses, children, co workers, and others.
The first thing you should always ask yourself is how important the topic is that you are arguing about. If it is trivial and really does not matter, try to agree to disagree instead of going on with the conversation. Sometimes it is much easier to just drop it than it is to continue the discussion when you know it has the potential to get out of hand.
If the discussion you are having with someone is important and you feel yourself losing it, it is sometimes tempting to bring up other controversial topics that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. This is adding fuel to the fire. We know that what we are about to bring up, something from the past or even another current situation, will get a bigger reaction from the person we are arguing with. This should be avoided at all costs. Stick to the subject at hand and save the rest for another time. Involving other issues unnecessarily is the biggest way to add fuel to an already burning discussion.
When you are serious about whatever the problem is you are having with someone and you do not seem to be making any progress with them, if you can, just walk away for a little while and allow both of you a little time to cool back down. This is a great way to avoid the heat of the moment and help prevent it from turning into one of those situations that you will probably end up regretting.
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